And now an example of what
unconditional love and acceptance can do in the lives of those who had lived
chaotically and in discord with their own selves and with those surrounding
them; whose life had been tragically deranged, and loaded with problems. At the
end of the story (taken from the book „95 Theses on Justification by Faith“ by
Moriss Venden, as thesis 46) a comparison is made with God's unconditional love
and acceptance and its significance for our transformation and spiritual
growth:
Theses 46.
„One reason we keep sinning is that we don't believe we are forgiven (that we are
unconditionally loved and accepted even while we continue making mistakes on
our way of growth). Assurance leads to victory. Uncertainty (in unconditional love and acceptance) leads to defeat.“
In a church I pastored several years ago, one family adopted a little
five-year-old girl. Born to a "junkie" mother, the child had already
experienced more of the ugly side of life than most people do in a lifetime.
She had learned to survive, but she didn't know how to live. She knew how to
hate, but not how to love. In many ways she seemed an impossible case.
A series of foster homes lay behind her. She would speak in passing of
"Mother Karen," and "Mama Becky," and "Mommy
Ann." All of them had let her down. Now she had been adopted by a
Christian family and promised a permanent home. But she didn't know about
permanence. All she understood was temporary—and she was not about to let herself
be hurt again.
She was so sure that she was going to be abandoned, that she did
everything she could to hurry p the process. She was a master at disrupting a
household. Because she had been abused beyond belief from babyhood, no
punishment could control her. At times her new family despaired of ever
reaching her.
As long as she remained convinced that her
bad behavior was going to result in her rejection, she continued to rebel. The
breakthrough came for her only when she finally understood that no matter how
bad she was, she was still going to be accepted. (Just what dr Neal Warren pointed out and we cited on page 2) – you
know you have found this
kind of love when you are sure that nothing you could ever do would separate you from the love
the other person has
for you (note
of the Site editor) Only
when her new family finally communicated unconditional acceptance to her was
she able to begin to heal.
Only then did she discover that disobedience was no
longer necessary.
One of the things that helped was for her to clearly understand the
consequences of certain actions. The consequences were fair, not harsh. But she
was not allowed to misbehave "for free." At the same time, she slowly
came to understand that the consequence of disobeying was not to be rejected
and sent away. For as long as she was willing to remain in the household, her
place was secure.
Sometimes we have looked at God in the same way this child looked at her
new parents. We have been so sure that He was going to reject us because of what
we are, that we keep on being what we are! We keep on sinning because we don't
believe we are forgiven. We remain defeated because we have no assurance that
He accepts us even while we grow[*] (see
footnote with more detailed explanation).
Does this mean that sin is OK, that we can break His law and go
unpunished? No, wrongdoing does have consequences. But being rejected by God
doesn't happen to be one of them—as long as we remain "in the family"
and continue to come to Him for healing and forgiveness and power.
Steps to Christ, page 52, puts it this way: "Some seem to feel that
they must be on probation, and must prove to the Lord that they are reformed,
before they can claim His blessing. But they may claim the blessing of God even
now. They must have His grace, the Spirit of Christ, to help their infirmities,
or they cannot resist evil. Jesus loves to have us come to Him just as we are,
sinful, helpless, dependent. We may come with all our weakness, our folly, our
sinfulness, and fall at His feet in penitence. It is His glory to encircle us
in the arms of His love, and to bind up our wounds, to cleanse us from all
impurity."
First John 3:2 says, "Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it
doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear,
we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is."
Our part is to make sure that now we continue in relationship with Him
as His sons and daughters. His part is to insure that whatever needs to be done
to make us like Him, will be done in time.
Jesus loves to have us come to Him just as we are, for that is the only
way we can come. He sets no limits on the number of times we can come and still
be accepted. He loves us because we are His children, not because of any good
in us. And when we finally come to understand that we are loved and accepted by
Him, we will begin to heal. Accepting His acceptance makes the difference (Or more
precisely, our stopping rejection of His acceptance – note of Site editor)
Since God also unconditionally loves and
accepts us such as we really are in spite of what we are doing (which does not
mean that He accepts what we are doing), can anybody among us consider
himself/herself smarter than Him and act differently, i.e. to set conditions
either to others or to himself/herself. Certainly, as already said in the
beginning, the aim of unconditional love and acceptance in both humans and God
is not to leave us such as we are, but make us change, correct our mistakes and
achieve happiness and life filled with joy and meaning, as the story of the
adopted little girl tells us in practice.
The result of transforming power of
unconditional love and acceptance is the change of character into the form ever
more like this unconditional love. There are countless examples in life for
this, though their number is never sufficient. What the unconditional love and
acceptance have done for many people who experienced them, and what it looks
like to have this experience, is told us in the words of the song:“ Everything
I'm because you loved me“, sung by Celine Dion. The author of the lyrics
dedicated them to her father, but they are applicable to all who
unconditionally loveed and accepted us while we grow up; We ourselves would primarily dedicate them to God, as they give a
fine description of Him.
Since the understanding of conditionality of love and acceptance, not
only by humans but also by God Himself, as well as of the feeling of rejection,
hopelessness, anxiety... that appear as its consequence, is the cause of almost
all emotional, mental, spiritual and most physical problems, we would now like
to warmly recommend the book „Belonging – Overcoming Rejection and Finding the Freedom
of Acceptance“ by dr. Nancy and dr. Ron Rockey in collaboration with dr. Kay Kuzma.
In our modest opinion, this book,
together with brochures and books mentioned in section „For the Beginning“ in
the library of this Site, makes a complete whole as regards emotional,
psychological and other aspects of unconditional love and acceptance, or more
precisely, detecting and eliminating of problems created by the lack of
fulfilment (partial or total) of this most important human need. Other books in
the library only make an addition to all of this, in other words enable wider
understanding of this subject seen from other angles – hystorical,
medical...something like „advanced course“.
What does
it mean? That we do not trust God, that we do not believe that He
unconditionally accepts and loves us such as we really are, that He will never
abandon or leave us in spite of all our sins which we may be repeating over and
over again, so that we are still afraid that we will not be loved, but rejected
if we sin, and then in fear and insecurity, we do make mistakes. It means that we still believe in bad news, instead of in the good one, and
then this fear and this disbelief in good news (Gospel) block us and lead into erring.
Because if
someone lives in constant fear and uncertainty that he/she will make a mistake
(will not succseed) and will for this reason be rejected, he/she will start erring
more and more. From frightened person living in constant dread and fear that
he/she will err and fail, it can be expected nothing else but succumbing to
their negative anticipations, foreboding, fears – unpleasant feelings and
entering into the vicious circle. This is believing in bad news, for the person
is not sure that he/she is loved and accepted because of the constancy of love
of the One who loves him/her. The way out is in certainty of acceptance – believing
in good news. When somebody lives in complete belief (faith) that he/she is
unconditionally loved and accepted, only in that case he/she will have the
possibility and capacity to stop erring and sinning –
exactly because he/she is now living in certainty, security and immeasurable
power of unconditional love and acceptance. And then he/she does not deal
his/her fears but only thinks about love and gratitude.
That is
the difference between believing in bad and in good news.
Bad news
is based on the picture of cruel, merciless, unfeeling God who only waits for
us to make mistake so that He can angrily punish us with pleasure and without
mercy. The cause of this bad image is the already mentioned lack of certainty
in God's unconditional love and acceptance, the fact that He will never leave
or abandon us (it is the humans who leave and abandon Him first, and never vice
versa). In all of us exists this image,
and those who still believe in it, and in whom
it is deeply rooted in their subconsciousness, have fear of God and feel unsafe
and rejected. As opposed to them, those who believe that God unconditionally
loves and accepts them have no fear of Him who died in their place in order to
save them and they have full certainty. Certainly, all this
requires personal and close experience with God and His love and acceptance,
and experience takes time. It also took time to the adopted little girl to
understand that and personally experience it together with her new parents. Why
should anyone be an
exception to this? For this reason we
should not be discouraged if it appears to us that time is passing too slowly
and in vain – simply, some learn faster, some slower and the only thing that
matters is to persist and never abandon the relationship (communion) with God –
all the rest is up to Him.
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