We
have already mentioned our belief regarding importance of unconditional love
and acceptance on the first page, so it will not be repeated here. As one of
the numerous confirmations of this fact, words of some eminent experts who have
been studying this issue will be cited here, followed by a touching story as an
evidence for all of it in real life.
Dr
Ross Campbell in his books on parenting the children and establishing healthy relationship with
them from their earliest age to the past-teenage years, speaks of unconditional
love and acceptance given by parents to their children and reasons why the
children need them. They are equally needed by all other generations, because
it is simply a universal need.
Some of the quotations1:
Even
in their unacceptable behaviors, including acting out
their anger, children are asking, "Do you love me? Do you love
me enough not to give up on me?"
And
then parents, in their feeling of frustration, they often
fail to give unconditional love and acceptance to their children at the very
time they
most need it...
If
I do my part as a parent and love them despite their childish behavior, they
will be able to give up their childish ways.
If
I love them only when they please me and convey my love only at these times
(conditional love), they will not feel genuinely loved. This will make them
feel insecure, and will prevent them from moving on to more self-control.
Therefore, their behavior and development is my responsibility as much as
theirs.
If
I love them unconditionally, they will feel good about themselves and be
comfortable with themselves. They will then learn to control their anxiety and
also their behavior.
If
I love them only when they meet my requirements or expectations, they will feel
incompetent. They will believe it is useless to do their best, because it will
never be enough. They will be plagued by insecurity, anxiety, and low self esteem.
Therefore, their total growth is as much my responsibility as theirs.
Children
are like mirrors. They reflect love much more
than they initiate it. If love is given to them, they return
it. If none is given, they have little or none to offer...
When
parental love is unconditional and constant, children can look into the mirror
of that love and see themselves as they are today and also as they want to be
in the future.
...
If he is convinced he is of low worth, a child will place little value on what
he says or does .... If this kind of low self-esteem has been programmed into a
person, it is difficult, and in some cases almost impossible, for that person
to feel beloved of God, accepted by Him, and of worth to Him in His kingdom and
service.
Although
they could not explain it clearly, children know their need of full acceptance
and unconditional love. Without these, they
cannot grow and develop properly.
When
your relationship with your children is based on
conditional love, you will find it impossible to really understand your
children or to give them proper guidance. You will
also find parenting to be a very confusing enterprise.
But
when your relationship with them is built on unconditional love, you can be confident
in your parenting. With your love as a guiding light, you
will be able to meet your children's needs.
Focused
attention means spending time with a child in such a way that she feels she is
the most important person in the world to you.
Just
as a car needs gas and oil to run properly, and a furnace
needs fuel, and your body needs healthful foods to
function as it should, so your child needs your
unconditional love, demonstrated in many ways, to become what he or she wants
to be, can be, should be.
If
your child has to wonder from day to day, or even hour
to hour, if your love is constant or conditional, and if there is
any point in trying to please you, that child will be discouraged from trying
and will
feel unsure of his or her own worth.
“The
degree to which you are loved unconditionally will
determine your level of self-esteem.”[1]
The same is true for your child.
Unconditional love has two fundamental
qualities: (1) It is given without regard for the objective value of the person
or thing which is loved; (2) It is given without any strings or conditions
attached .... That's the kind of love which can turn your life around and raise
your self-esteem level to new heights. When you find love like that, you are
set free to become the person you were meant to be in all your uniqueness. And when you
experience yourself in the middle of that kind of freedom, you can't help
feeling good about
who you find yourself to be .... We want
to be loved for no good reason at all.[2] (just as we really are)
Dr.
Warren suggests that you
know you have found this
kind of love when you are sure that nothing you could ever do would separate you from the love the
other person has for you. Such a love frees
you from what Carl Rogers calls 'conditions of worth.' You no longer have to be
anything in particular in order to
be loved. You can begin the journey toward
self-discovery with no preset destination. In each moment you can simply be
authentically yourself."[3]
To
become who they are demands that your children have
a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self comes from the
freedom of unconditional love.
It
is in your home that your children are learning how much
they mean to you, to God, and to themselves. Please help your children to know
that they mean all the world to you, by your actions as well as your words.
All what was said above, is
illustrated by the following story from the real life, only one story from many.
It vividly describes an example of unconditional love and acceptance and why we
all need that, not only in our secular, but also in our spiritual life. But
before the story is told, we would like to point out the very essence of the
most important news, which is on the next page under the title – Right in the
Center!
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